Here I Go Again...

Here I go again. It happens all the times after coming back from holiday in my hometown, Kuching. I’m sitting browsing through the pictures taken from all the activities done within the so much called “holiday”.

But it is a holiday indeed for me although it seems that it would be rare for me to be in my home then. As for some people holiday is when you are able to do nothing and have a cozy life in your cozy bed and have the time past by without any worries. But, my holiday is whenever I am with my fellow usrahmates of the PERKEPIS, no matter what we do and where we are. Be it in a programmes or just hanging around looking at each other faces. It is just enough for me to call it a holiday for just being able to be with them.

And what I call a non-holiday is whenever I am stuck doing things without any of my fellow usrahmates accompanying me.

Here I am now in KL, picturing each and every memorable event in my last 10 days holiday for the Eid celebration with my family and of cause my fellow usrahmates. Of all the 10 days holiday, not even one day I missed seeing my usrahmates. If ordinary friends just come by to my house just to have an ordinary visit for the Eid celebration, my fellow usrahmates would come over and over again and forget of how many times that they have gone to my house, and so do I. As my mother said, it is only when I come back for holiday that our house would be full with visitors from the first day I am home and until the final day I was about to go to the airport.

I cannot for a second forget my fellow usrahmates there in Kuching and I would like them know that. Although it would seem be very hard for me to reply for their SMS when I am here stuck in KL, but I would want them to know that. I am counting day by day until the day I would be back in Kuching for good. But, just know this, sacrifices is needed in order for a better pleasure. I guess that is why this world has been said to be the farm for the hereafter. You have to work hard to liven up your farm so that you could see the fruits ripen and at last it is the most pleasure to taste them.

Although for the last holiday, there is one incident has disappointed me, but I guess that is life. For how many years now I am with my fellow usrahmates, I would never know that one of them who is my senior in PERKEPIS and one who I regard as the closest would (in my word) stabbed my back. I understand that every human being would make mistakes although it maybe a mistake that only others could see and not for him. I also could not escape from that fact. And even sometimes, I did not know that I’m doing it. That is what usrahmates are for that is to be there and show the mistakes and helps to correct it. Are we not being thought by Islam not to reveal others ‘aib to the others? Are we not being thought as a fellow PERKEPIS member to be loyal and trustworthy towards each other?

And I did not even think that this fellow usrahmate of mine would have my mistake to be advertised from one usrahmate to the others. He goes from one usrahmates to the others telling of what I have done that I actually did not realize that it is a mistake. Even so, it is not a mistake that I owe towards the majority of the usrahmates but it is rather a personal mistake that I owe only against him. And what more disappointing, he goes on and has my mistake tell to my brother.

And my brother who for such long I know have no respect for me as he thinks that he graduates earlier and have his career build up way before me, has shown more disrespect attitude towards me. Once, he had point at me with his finger and have me “remembered” with an angry tone in front of my fellow juniors in PERKEPIS. He even embarrassed me in front of my other sibling every time I was at home (among the factors I hated to be home when I am in my holiday). Didn’t he know that everywhere I go, I would proudly introduce him to my circle of friends. I as a brother am very proud when seeing him receiving his scroll on his graduation day. But I wonder what I am for him?

And for that, having heard from him, my brothers turn towards me and sentence me as guilty without even hearing the story from my part. My brother then tells my mother and just for that, I have been lectured for my “indifferent attitude in leadership” by my mother. I was misjudged as being arrogant towards people who are under my leadership. Now even my mother has looked me wrongly due to that.

I am now trapped as he is among my senior usrahmate who I believe whole heartedly. He who I started be friend with since 2005, I had shared much of my secret and have a lot of discussion with him. And now look what he has done to me. I did not mind if he tells me myself what my mistake is as I would thanked him. I may not mind he advertise my mistake among the other usrahmates. But what I mind and really disappointed is when he involves my family with this.

Nevertheless, I don’t have any grudge on him. Let it be. As this incident has shown to me what he really is. Only then, I have a better choice as in the future. But let me tell you this, I don’t care if you are a senior or a junior. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. There is no consideration for that. Only how to stand for it, that is the question here.

If Khalid al-Walid can step down as a General in a middle of war and accept to be under the direction of a younger Muslim appointed by the Caliph as the General, why not us as the fellow Muslim could not exampled that? Young generations must question this, what has you contributed in your age now? Don’t you read how Muhammad al-Fateh leads his army to glory in his young age? Don’t you want o be like him?

For sure, I want to take example of that. Only that, having some seniors in whatever Muslim organization that could not take younger ones to lead them is just a pity.

Just for that single disappointing incident would not have my holiday to be affected. I have many other things to be shared. Only that I am running out of time as the final exam is around the corner. I’m hoping for your prayers that I would pass in all my subjects this semester.